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Seven Things to Know About Me

22 Sep

My friend Brooke, who lived in DC when I lived in DC, crossed paths with me many times. She was a writer for Washingtonian, our city magazine (I remember reading her reviews of spas and being insanely jealous of her job, seeing as I was a 22-year-old with brows like Eugene Levy’s). I was an editor at a literary agency and at The New Republic. I think we even met in DC once or twice. But we didn’t become friends until the Globe newsroom. She was all blonde hair and North Face; I was all big earrings and going through an unfortunate fat-phase flirtation with Loehmanns.

She’d just started working at the Boston Globe Sunday Magazine, and I had just started editing the Globe‘s women’s magazine, Lola. Now, Brooke’s  living in suburban New York City as a stay-at-home mom (check out her blog here), but we both have sons almost the same age and have stayed in touch. In fact, I was there when she was first pregnant with Harper — we’d taken a weekend trip to Cape Cod with a couple of other writer friends, and, while out to dinner, Brooke insisted that the wine tasted weird. Turned out she was pregnant. Because, really, in what other state of mind or body does wine taste awful? (Harper is now a very cute toddler.)

So: She tagged me for a meme, and I’m going to do my best to answer here, but I might cheat a little bit and talk about articles I’ve written, too. Forgive me, Brooke–but thanks for tagging me!

– Your most beautiful post

This is tough, because I don’t consider myself a “beautiful” writer. Once I wrote a kind of mushy piece for the Globe‘s Coupling column and sent it to my brother, Matt, as per usual, for an honest critique. “This doesn’t sound like you,” he said. I got what he meant: I was trying too hard to be flowery, sentimental. It took me awhile to realize that writing can be beautiful without being ornate; I’m more Bette Midler than Gwyneth Paltrow. As long as it’s authentic, that’s all that matters. Anyway, a couple of months ago, my whole family–parents, Andy, Brian, my brother–went to a Lowell Spinners game. I always cry when I go to Lowell. Just do. I drive straight to my grandparents’ three-story tenement house at 75 Andrews Street, park in front at the weedy sign that says “parking reserved for resident of dwelling,” stare at the front porch where a little girl’s swing now hangs in the doorway, and  I smell my Nana’s Shalimar, and I hear her police scanner, and I see D sweeping a proud little patch of driveway…. and I bawl.

It’s where my grandparents lived and died and didn’t want anything more than to live or die; it’s where they’re buried. My grandfather played baseball in Lowell, my parents met in Lowell, and then … here we were, back in Lowell. Watching baseball, with my son, who’s named after my grandfather. Not sure if this post was “beautiful,” but it was heartfelt, and, yes, I cried when I wrote it.

       – Your most popular post
A lot of people wrote to me, either personally or on my website, after I brought up the exorbitant costs of paying for college. I love writing about things that people hate to talk about–which, let’s face it, usually involve money. It’s like picking a really gratifyingly ready-to-pop zit. I’m 32 and staring down $50,000-plus a year if Andy goes to a private college of his choice, just as I did–and the kid doesn’t even have facial hair yet. Meanwhile, his mother hates paying more than $10 for a margarita. Anyway, almost everyone shared a similar level of freaked-outed-ness, which was refreshing and necessary; at our age, it’s easy to stress about what you “should” be doing and assuming that everyone else is doing more. Clearly, yelping “I’m scared!” barely scratches the surface of what’s wrong with the tuition system, but admitting that very few 32-year-olds–even those of us who work hard, save responsibly, and on and on–have four years’ worth of college tuition collecting dust as a wad of cash inside Granny’s hope chest is a good start.
        – Your most controversial post
I haven’t blogged about anything controversial, but I wrote a piece for the Globe about choosing to bottle-feed that made some people go predictably nuts and, shockingly, judge my capacity as a mother. Oh, right, yes, I admit it: I also let Andy vegetate in front of our shadily financed TV for 21 hours per day while I play World of Warcraft and shove Dorito’s down my gullet. I’m a heathen! Belch. Judgment is currency in the world of motherhood. Why? Fodder for another article, I guess…
       
 – Your most helpful post
So, I guess my most heartfelt and helpful piece of writing was this story I did for the Washington Post about panic disorder. I was feeling very tentative and nervous and at sea, and it took all my courage to pitch this piece about my experiences. But I also knew I had to do it, and I felt bad-ass and true. It resonated with so many people, and I finally felt as if I had a purpose larger than my own selfish career success (which, at that point, involved downing glasses of white wine next to CNN celebrities) or getting a great deal at DSW. Mental health issues don’t get enough attention. Period. It’s OK not to be happy all the time–something I struggled with in my twenties, a time when I tried to project an image of constant achievement and “perfection.” It’s OK to be scared, and to be human.
       
 – A post you feel didn’t got the attention it deserved
This was ages ago, but I wrote a piece for the New Republic about the post-9/11 “lost” generation. I’m reading articles now about that lost generation and the fading middle-class, and I wish I’d articulated my own points better six years ago. I was young and intimidated and young and…intimidated.
        
– The post that you are most proud of
Writers are brave. Our hobbies and our emotions are also our vocations. Writers lay themselves bare; maybe it’s narcissism, maybe it’s self-loathing, maybe it’s the desire to legitimize our tendency toward capriciousness by capturing a shred of honest emotion in a moment. A friend of mine recently posted complainingly on Facebook about how annoyingly easy it is for people to classify themselves as writers or editors. Because most people write every day! Well, Brian might jog to the bus every day–but that doesn’t make him a runner. I might steam up something soggily nutritious for dinner. But it sure doesn’t make me a professional cook.
Writers lace together words to form opinions to form lasting impressions that hopefully effect some small change. And we do it with some care.
And so: I just know that I’ve always had an extraordinarily high bullshit detector and have always wanted to let other people that they’re not alone — whether it means living in a kitchen with rancid scrambled eggs under the fridge, wanting to shove kung pao chicken down your throat at 1 a.m. even though it’s a bad idea, celebrating a night out with your husband without talking about bowel movement odor gradients, or waking up hung over with a six month old. It’s all legitimate, and it’s all real, and I’m proud of (almost) all of it.

Do You Ever Stress About Paying for Your Baby’s College Education?

20 May

Harvard or bust!

I realize this is nosy, but I’m semi-freaked out and nobody ever talks about this stuff. I can’t be the only one who clicks on one of those college-planning calculators every so often and envisions a retirement spent eating Fancy Feast. For example: I just ran the numbers for Andy to attend my alma mater, Mount Holyoke. (Yes, I know it’s an all-women’s school. Whatever, the point is, it’s an expensive school. And if they continue to charge so much, they’re going to have to start enrolling guys or farm animals soon enough anyway.) In order for Andy to attend a similarly priced private college in 18 years, we’ll need to save about $414,913.

Interestingly, a WSJ survey came out today about affluent baby boomers and their reluctance to leave money to their spawn. The bottom line: They worked hard for their cash, and they’re not going to fork it over to their kids.

I, on the other hand, constantly think about saving money for Andy. Brian and I make a point of investing in his 529–and have since he was born. Meanwhile, I’m not an affluent baby boomer. I’m a fairly disciplined 32-year-old woman with many financial goals, just one of them being saving for my child to go to college. I can’t be the only one out there who kind of cringes at the thought of socking away nearly half a mil in 18 years. Or am I?

Meanwhile, our financial adviser (who’s so refreshingly un-stuffy and candid) urges us to plan for our retirement and take care of ourselves first, which echoes the WSJ piece. There’s scholarships and loans for college; there’s no such thing as a retirement loan.

What do you think? Are many of us in the same boat here, or is there some super-top-secret savings plan that I don’t know about? Meanwhile, after Andy’s nap, it’s time to practice his croquet skills and reading comprehension.

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